Dont know what to do

It feels like I have "cold feet" or something. We didnt really talk last night, or even for the last week or so. Im scared about waiting 4 years, and told him that. I wish one thing would change. Either that he didnt love me, or that I didnt love him, or that he wasnt going or that I was going. Just something, because its to hard. He says that this frustrates him... I asked him if I was wrong that 4 years wasnt a long time... asked him to tell me I was wrong but he never did. He said "I try to tell you that I think its going to be alright"

why is it hard? ? I cant even write words down that sound fine, sounds like something someone would want to read, or that I will want to read after.
I dont know what to do? If you can help me, give me advice or anything, please do. I need it.

I cant just turn around and not have anything, not have any part of this, I just wish I could have seen this choice coming, then maybe I wouldnt have gotten myself so deep into it, into him. I sit here and wait for a txt back.. and still havent gotten one. I dont want my next entry to say that he left me.