He told me that we should jsut forget about us. My heart has never hurt so much. He worries its to much for me to handle. Its hard for me to handle that Ill see him a couple weeks a year, that I will have to live by myself, not share and make memories with him. Im not asking for a house and a white fence, just for him to really get it. He says he understands, but when I said that I would miss him, he told me I was insensitive. I was really mad about that. Someone let me know if Im making a big deal over nothing, but 4 years to me happens to mean something. He doesnt know where he will be stuck going, I dont know how to move a relationship forward over telephone conversations. What we have right now is not going to be good enough in 4 years.
God, I am going to miss him, and I am so scared that he will decide to just ditch me, thinking that it would be for the best. That would hurt me more than anything else... If he decided to just not talk to me anymore. I dont know how he could just throw everything away. I already miss him, and he's not even gone yet. But I guess we are over, and I really am alone. I always said "risk over regret" but regret won this time. I told him that I would get hurt either way... that I would be hurt when he had to leave, or end up like I am now... hurt because there is no special relationship there anymore apparently. no "dating", bf, gf whatever.
I do love him.
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