phone call

I had him call me last night, first time we've talked on the phone since I dont know when. I dont even know how to compare that conversation to anything else. It was like we had absolutley nothing to say to each other. That hurt more than deciding I was single. I asked about his plans for the summer, we were supose to spend aug together, he didnt mention that. I hope I didnt lose my best friend, along with someone I love. I need to be able to hold a conversation, I dont even know what is wrong with us. I am suppose to go to a party tom. to celebrate a birthday, I dont even want to anymore because it feels like a part of me is missing. The part that makes me excited about things and brave enough to try new things. I just feel dead now, cant make myself seem exciting.
I think if I dont go this summer, and he leaves on september 2nd, that part of me will die. Sounds ridiculous from an 18 year old, but it is true, I have loved and lost before, but nothing like this. When every person I go out with makes me feel like it is all so pointless, because all I want is him.
I do not believe it is me that needs to come around, I am in the spot where I am trying to have our normal friend converstations, and its just like talking to a wall. I need to know if he cares, because I love him and still care. I am willing to not have him as anymore than a friend, but it takes 2 to make a friendship work. I cant make it work all by myself.
I hope if you read this that you will look at all of your loved ones, and take a minute to be thankful for them, and to make yourself happy and positive. By doing this for yourself, that energy will feed off for them, your absolute happiness is one of the best gifts you could ever give.